Fear and Self Loathing..

Today was exactly everything I was afraid sobriety would bring  – Boredom!

There is nothing worse that being sober enough to realise how fucking unproductive you really are – with all the mental clarity to confirm it.

Where are the grandiose dreams of strange instantaneous success….earned from talents you don’t really have?

Where are the lingering glances from checkout chicks who are just ‘so hot for me right now’ as I cruise down aisle 3 to get Mum some green tea and Metamucil?

I literally used to be able to sit there for hours, quietly contemplating what I would do if I won lotto (even though I hadn’t even bought a ticket)…..and that would still feel like a  productive day…..and in my head I’d be saying shit like, ‘oh well, at least I sorted out what I will do with my millions of dollars of ‘hard won’ wealth today’ ……pfffft….Nigga please! I make myself fucking ill with contempt!

Well….I suppose I did actually apply for a job today……but that doesn’t count cause I don’t even fucking want it!



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