And today on Illiterates Corner…..
We are glad to present an excerpt from the first chapter of my provocative 1650’s english slang novel-
‘Hunting the Squirrel‘ …..
Chapter 1 –
Round Sum for a Kettle Drum
So as I ‘Crop the Conjuror’ , I thinks to me ‘self, she’d be the type to give a right Curtain Lecture. The Dirty Puzzle I mutters.
So I says, ‘Listen here me dear Nug’, acting the right Palaver as I tossed her a pig. ‘How’s bout sportin the dairy for this old dog in a doublet?’. I always was the practiced packthread.
She gandered me 12’s and 6’s, thinking me the right kidney!
‘Now you listen here me old Pettyfogger! She whined, ‘Best you, your Pego and your Peddlers French, just Shoole off to some other Nuggins house’, her face wearing the weather.
Many I time have I been to the family of love- but never have I been treated as a common Nick Ninny!
Completely flummoxed, I yells ‘Now hang on a tick me young hedge whore! I isn’t no regular Hickenbothom or Pickthank – I come to this here Nanny House to see some Madge! Kettle Drums! Dip me Pego in some Notch and get me Nutmegs grappled! What’s wrong wit ya? You a Nose Gunt or something? And with a wink and a smile, I tossed the harlot a round sum, grabbed her by the arm and set to give that Florence a Flourish!
Was on the next morn I realized I had been Peppederd! Proper Frenchified! What a Bye-Blow! I felt the right Cully….so off to the lock Hospital I trod.
Cop the Conjuror – Jeer with appellation at the woman with short hair
Curtain Lecturer – a woman who scolds her husband in bed
Dirty Puzzle -Slut
Nug -endearing term
Palaver – Flatterer
Pig – Sixpence
Dairy – Breasts
Dog in a Doublet – Stout or robust Fellow
Packthread – To use indecent language, well wrapped up
12’s and 6’s – look up and down
Kidney – Someone of strange humour
Pettyfogger – A little, dirty attorney; of small credit or reputation
Pego – Penis
Peddlers French – A walking stick
Shoole – To go skulking about
Nuggins House – Brothel
Family of Love – Brothel
Nick Ninny – Simpleton
Hedge Whore – lowly Prostitute
Hickenbothem – A Ludicrous name for an unknown person
Pickthank – Tale- bearer or mischief-maker
Nanny House – Brothel
Madge – Vagina
Kettle Drums – Breasts
Notch – Vagina
Nutmegs – Testicles
Nose Gunt – Nun
Round Sum – Handsome sum of money
Florence – A Wench that has been ruffled
Flourish – To enjoy a woman in a hasty manner
Peppered – Infected with venereal disease
Frenchified – Infected with venereal disease
Bye–Blow – Bastard
Cully – A fop or Fool
Lock Hospital – Venereal Hospital
***Hunting the Squirrel – Coming to all desperate and clingy bookstores September 17***