To Russia With Love…

I wrote this letter on behalf of a friend of mine… is now my standard email reply to ‘Russian Brides’ wanting to get to know me……..


Доброе утро Sasha!

 I am also writing to you from alternate email address from my work. You may write me at either email, but today I must be attending work as many people requiring massages before I later go for my daily windsurf.  : )

 It is nice to be seeing your faces. You have much beautifulness in your epidermis, this is truth speak.

 You talk of distance between us, and this is also having much truthnicity…. As I am very far from Chehov also as well. I live in a place called Ipswitch, a town of many knife fights, blood lust and single mothers. This place also leave me in search of tenderness and broad shouldered women, with only my pillow to catch the tears of my daily yearnings for true lust. How I dream of finding the sickle to my hammer that completes my world and appeases the beast within. I am a lone wolf – hungry and cold – ready to gnaw of the rabbit’s foot of romance and internet dating.

For me in life, there are no borders – only border jumpers. I too have seen many lands and met many people’s faces With the wind at my spine, I have gazed at the beauty of this world, travelling like renegade gypsy in search of love and rockets. Alas, my heart remains empty. For many years, like unwashed fisherman,  I have cast off the nets of loves prawn trawler, with only the most meagre of catches and occasional crabs. For me , love is as real as the feelings you feel at the time you feel you have felt them….oh what a feeling to have felt those feelings I felt I felt when I saw you. I too am of 30 years aged….although in the heart, I am a young infant warrior poet. For you see, like you, I am caged – caged in the hope of one day realizing my dream that the dream of love is not only a dream, but a cage!  We must free ourselves from the caginess of this cage, before our souls become prisoners to our lonely hearts!

I hear in your words you speak of husband – and I too wish to be one, as this brings much honour to Australian wife. I have no interest in walking and drinking. These games are for the children who litter the streets, and while I want many strong children, I do not like litter as litter is for the weak! I am strong! I have strong hands and strong heart, but stronger hands. For you see, hands must not deal with pains of the heart as they are hands – and that is why you and I must be more like hands – strong in our grip of realizing our caged dream.

I have tenderness and much room in my heart for the right woman. Maybe this is you? Are you the rabbit’s foot I seek to gnaw? Does the wind blow the name Sasha in the empty corridors of my mind? Does 2 + 2 = 5? Only time will tell as we climb on board this rollercoaster of desire, dipping and climbing through the inner recesses of our hearts. I am an emperor penguin – Monogamous. I seek a mate with whom I can swim loves channels, only coming up for air to meet each other in tender embrace. I refuse to eat the scraps from loves table any longer!  I have had my share of krill…and so have you! For tonight my wonder lust, you and I shall dine on caviar and sweet breads as we take our rightful seats at the emperor’s monogamous table!

I look forward to our next conversation and more photographs of your prettiness. You are as beautiful as a model from store catalogues and it gives me much happiness to be looking at you whilst I am sleeping. 

 With impatience, I also await your reply as well.

 Metaphorically yours,

 Andre ‘Big Dog’ Witherspoon


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