Below is a copy of a recent advertisement I placed on ‘’ for my couches……Hopefully I will find a buyer….If you cannot read this, I have copied the text below….







Imagine this:

Coming home from a hard days work at the sweatshop or paper mill, to relax and unwind in the unparalleled comfort provided by these two ‘Black Beauties’’!!!

As we approach the summer months, can’t you just envisage your fat kiester planted soundly in the fold of a ‘Bonded Leather’ embrace, like a sweaty pressed picnic ham? LUXURY!

Aimed to provide the highest level of derriere contentment, these 2 ‘loveseats’ are made of the highest quality ‘Jew Skin’ and ‘Bonded Leather’. Designed and hand crafted by renowned French Sadomasochist, “Francois Mange La Foufe ”, these two stylish pieces are guaranteed to give both of your fanny cheeks a flutter, whilst adding instant elegance to your next ‘Swingers’ Party, ‘Snuff Flick’ or ‘Bah Mitzvah’! Mozel tov!

Both pieces are 2.5 Seaters, and can comfortably accommodate approximately –

1 Fatogram, 2 Regular sized humans, or 3 midgets in a small inflatable raft.

And rest assured, should you make the wise decision to purchase these beautiful couches, you will be in VERY good company, as many notable serial killers such as the ‘Menendez Brothers’, ‘Ted Bundy’ and ‘Val Kilmer’ were all avid collectors of the French Genius’s work. Ahhh….such prestige!

Alternatively, should you be simply be looking for cheap leather to craft that next ‘Rape Swing’ or ‘Gimp Mask’, rarely does an opportunity come along for unbeatable value such as this!!

That’s right people, ‘Ludwig Von Battlecat’s Furniture Emporium’ is having a “SPACE CRISIS PRICES” Sale…and for a limited time only, both of these are available for the LOW< LOW PRICE of $350! – That’s over 100% OFF!!

F%$* OFF!!! – Shop around – you can’t beat that price!

And just like I always say, if you find a better price anywhere,- “I’ll cut my face off and feed it to my army of cats!” superior

Sale ends Thursday – Be quick!



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