I spend most of my spare time collecting cans and rearranging strangers’ patio furniture when they’re not home.
I was once arrested for assaulting a hot dog vendor at the cricket with a ‘Lions’ fruit cake….he lost the vision in his right eye…..His name was Patrick.
Every second Thursday I attend Narcotics Anonymous…..mainly for the free coffee and monte carlos….but also because the carpet there yields a great amount of lint….which I collect.
My idea of romance is using a ‘safe word’.
My uncle Frank runs his own Meth lab and supplies nearly all of the east coast of Australia. I once saw Uncle Frank kill a man with a fresh salmon…
After a recent recruitment drive, I now have over 700 in my army of cats. We are currently preparing for our first coordinated attack- operation “KITTYNIBBLES”.
In the past 5 years I have told numerous people that I only had 3 months to live in the quest for acceptance…..(all I really wanted was a hug!)
And then I discovered blogging...