Tagged: Farms

White Cracked Feet….

In the past, when I was not busy showering friends and family with abuse, I had a variety of unique past-times. One of these included placing fake pamphlets in people’s letterboxes. Some of the topics for these pamphlets included:

Savings coupons for non existent ladies health care products (such as ‘Vagine- a-Seal’)
Monetary rewards offered for the safe return of lost children who were not mine
Love letters/ Ransom notes cut out of magazine text
Invitations to S&M parties at a selected house on the street
Defamatory letters regarding a selected member of the church community and their ties to child pornography

And of course….Fake Rock Concerts!

Here is an example of one…

Dear Rocker,

Due to overwhelming demand you have been invited to the reunion concert for the legendary 70’s punk rockband- ‘White Cracked Feet’.

The reunion will feature all the original lineup with…..

Jimmy Whitehorse- Vocals, marraccas
Hans Zolar- Lead Guitar, spoons
Reggie Bonox- Drums
Kyle Lister- Bass Guitar, Cheese grater

All you have to do is text the word ‘Glitter’, to 1975755 to receive the address of the gig!
On the night, simply present this invite at the gates to spend your night with these legends of punk rock…. and relive such classics as…

‘Glitter Bitch’ 1972 (Whitehorse, Zolar)
‘Hands off, White Devil’ 1971 (Whitehorse, Lister)
‘Touch my Squid’ 1973 (Bonox)
‘Relax On My Fist’ 1978 (Whitehorse, Zolar, Lister)
‘Picknick Slut’ 1972 (Lister, Feat- Pete Jazz & the sex offenders)
‘Choke me Harder’ 1976 (Whitehorse, Zolar)
‘I’m not your father so kiss me there’ 1976 (Whitehorse)

See You At The Gig!!!!

Rowan Hammill
(Tour Manager)

***PATRONS MUST PRESENT COUPON TO BE GRANTED ENTRY – ONE COUPON PER CUSTOMER***

Fuck I had some good times……

“We’re all gonna die. The trick is not to rush it.” – MacGyver

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