Tagged: Writing

Sign your name

Anyone who knows me, knows I began writing this blog as a way of purifying and freeing my restless soul from clutches of the demon drink.

Now, whilst I have maintained my alcoholic sobriety, I have in fact spent the last 2 and a half weeks smoking more weed than Cheech Marin! I chose to fill one gap-filler with another….shame! Well…..NO MORE I SAY!

And as the bong smoke finally cleared, I had what us Alcoholics refer to as a ‘moment of clarity’….
It was at this moment I realized there is a void in my life….a missing piece in the Battlecat puzzle….

I need a woman!

In order to help me achieve this, I have decided to try my hand at Internet dating.

Below is a copy of my internet dating profile….hopefully I will find someone to sign their name across my heart….

About me:

Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to read my profile!

My friends describe me as a workaholic, as I often spending weeks at a time travelling to various chemists buying pseudoephedrine for local biker gangs.

I enjoy arts and crafts and especially enjoy sowing – I once made an anorak from a collection of hot dog skins and old car seat covers (2nd place at the Ipswich County Fair 1998)

Like most nudists, I enjoy outdoor activities such as bird watching, bush walking, totem tennis and slip and slides. Unfortunately, due to recent legal ‘entanglements’, I am not allowed within 1 kilometer of schools, kindergartens or nursing homes and I am required to wear an electronic scrotal bracelet.

Music plays a big part in my life, and I am currently the singer / guitarist in a local ‘Hispanic Metal-Core’ band – ‘Los Wetbacks’ ’. We play a range of music, however we mainly focus on covers of Terrence Trent D’arby, Womack & Womack and Rockwell. Our sound has been described as mix between Santana, Sepultura and Rosie Perez.

I love children and one day hope to start my own family – Until then I will continue practicing my parenting techniques on my neighbors daughter chained up in my basement…..(she is so cute!….the pictures on the milk cartons don’t do her justice!)

In my spare time, I am also working on completing my first novel, a psychological thriller called – ‘The Mane Vein’. Based in Washington, the story focuses on the inner dealings of a White House bestiality scandal when a Horse is found dead in the West Wing. After paternity tests of various foreign ministers and dignitaries reveal who the culprit is…..It is then up to the President himself to defeat the enemy in a Beat-box / Battle-Rap for the freedom of all America.

I have sent my book to a few publishers and reviewers…..here is the feedback I have received so far…

This will definitely be called the most epic ‘Beat-box / Battle-Rap’ in any political /crime / Psychological thriller of our time!
Phillip Sturgeon – Rolling Stone

The Author weaves such an enchanting web of deceit…. which is proven by the fact he calls himself a writer!
John Grisham

I felt like I could taste the sweat on the Mic’s…..
Ian Sebase – Better Homes and Gardens

This book took me somewhere I never want to go again….
Cynthia Flaxon – Random House

Aside from writing, I believe it is extremely important to be actively involved in the community, which is why I am continuously looking for new ideas and events to bring people together. Next Thursday I am planning a forest fire, then the following Thursday will be a ‘Gay Bash Parade’ to celebrate 20 years since the release of the film Philadelphia.

Well, that pretty much sums me up! Feel free to drop me a line and maybe we could meet up for a coffee or skeet shooting? ☺

What am I looking for:

I guess I am looking for a woman with a sense of herself….like a gynecologist or a midwife type….but you know…fit!
Someone with money……and someone who will support me in all of my many talents and eccentric pursuits. I guess I have come to a point in my life where I am looking to share the picnics…..and the parking fines with someone special….not retarded, but….well…. someone emotionally weaker than me who can be manipulated and molded how I want them. I am looking to inflict my own special brand of love on 1 lucky lady…could this be you? Call me!

Interests / Activities

Germ Warfare, Spider bites, Quadriplegics, Photography, Hate Crimes, The Venga Boys, Reading, Communism, Leather Chaps, Hanging with mates, Totem Tennis, Iridology, Bukkake, Jews, Sweat Farms, Soda Stream, Documenting Religious effigies found in Supermarket Fresh Produce